I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
