I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
