$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
