so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
