I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
