and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
