Midget sex pt 2 tonight
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
