Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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