i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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