We're facebook friends in real life
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
