Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I miss vodka workout Fridays
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
