I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Randomize
