i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
