oh and then you called a time out with your penis
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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