My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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