thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize