I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
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