Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
