we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
