I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
