I wanna passion pit in your ass
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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