Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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