he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
