Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
