And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
