Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
