sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i love accidental penises.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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