Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
