It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
