listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
