Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
