I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
