One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
