Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Are we still banned from the library?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
