Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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