i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
