my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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