I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
