I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
