I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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