my soul wont recognize me after tonight
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
