Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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