My friends, they love my intelligence
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
