Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
