For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
