I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
