Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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