whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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