All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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