there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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