So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
