the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
