pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
FUCK WHALES
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
