you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
