Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
