Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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