How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
