Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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