I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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