IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Randomize
